watched it sink to the bottom
had to fish it out with my fingers
and instantly, without thought
toss it into my mouth.
progressively getting more and more
busy
or trying to pretend i am.
i might go back to school,
it gives me something to do when i'm bored.
giving a fine demonstration
of mediocre skills.
what will you do
when your favorite thing is no more,
all your thoughts are broken
and you lie sitting on the floor?
Saturday
Friday
tomatoes
today i made a sandwich in the kitchen while my family was gone. egg salad. sliced hard-boiled eggs, lettuce, and cheese on toast. i also added a few tomato slices.
before i cut it, i had to take it out of the produce bag.
i paused, thought of how it felt. i squeezed the sides gently. they responded with a little give, not too much. unwrapping it, i thought of how my grandmother used to serve gigantic slices of juicy red tomoatoes when my grandfather grilled. i would eat as may of them as i could before my tastebuds began to burn. when i couldn't stand it anymore, i'd move on to pickles dipped in ketchup on a bun.
the slicing of the tomato brought me to a more recent memory of watching dan make his sandwich before work. always the same procedure. toasted bread spreas thinly with mayonnaise, then topped with chunked tuna (about half a can, seasoned with basil and some other italian spices), slivers of red onion, lettuce, tomato, and a slice of american cheese. he always crafted them with precision, bending down a little so he could get a better view of his work. finally, he'd lay the second slice on top of the sandwich, pressing it down gently to cement the pieces together with his wide palm. i could hear the toast crumble beneath the pressure. generally then, he'd lick the knife clean, and cut the sandwich in half diagonally. then he'd step back and just for a moment look at the plate, as if in his own mind he were saying, now that's a sandwich.
i put away my lettuce, cheese, and tomatoes, thinking about the way things constantly change. my grandmother has alzheimer's now, and can hardly recognize my face, let alone recall the little things she did to make me happy. there has been no macaroni, no chocolate pie with whipped cream for a long time now. i don't know that there ever will be again. as for dan, he'll continue making his sandwiches just the same. only now, he'll be the only one appreciating his consistency. i will be somewhere else, in another kitchen, wondering what will happen next.
before i cut it, i had to take it out of the produce bag.
i paused, thought of how it felt. i squeezed the sides gently. they responded with a little give, not too much. unwrapping it, i thought of how my grandmother used to serve gigantic slices of juicy red tomoatoes when my grandfather grilled. i would eat as may of them as i could before my tastebuds began to burn. when i couldn't stand it anymore, i'd move on to pickles dipped in ketchup on a bun.
the slicing of the tomato brought me to a more recent memory of watching dan make his sandwich before work. always the same procedure. toasted bread spreas thinly with mayonnaise, then topped with chunked tuna (about half a can, seasoned with basil and some other italian spices), slivers of red onion, lettuce, tomato, and a slice of american cheese. he always crafted them with precision, bending down a little so he could get a better view of his work. finally, he'd lay the second slice on top of the sandwich, pressing it down gently to cement the pieces together with his wide palm. i could hear the toast crumble beneath the pressure. generally then, he'd lick the knife clean, and cut the sandwich in half diagonally. then he'd step back and just for a moment look at the plate, as if in his own mind he were saying, now that's a sandwich.
i put away my lettuce, cheese, and tomatoes, thinking about the way things constantly change. my grandmother has alzheimer's now, and can hardly recognize my face, let alone recall the little things she did to make me happy. there has been no macaroni, no chocolate pie with whipped cream for a long time now. i don't know that there ever will be again. as for dan, he'll continue making his sandwiches just the same. only now, he'll be the only one appreciating his consistency. i will be somewhere else, in another kitchen, wondering what will happen next.
Wednesday
what you see as
unhealthy attention?
(forgive me,
i thought i was
showing you affection.)
then i suppose
the inconvenience of
emotionally preparing yourself
is a thing of the past.
looking back,
maybe i was foolish
to think that
you would be different.
the only words of mine you've seen
are ones
grieving our separation.
why couldn't you save
both of us this trouble?
pardon my ignorance.
unhealthy attention?
(forgive me,
i thought i was
showing you affection.)
then i suppose
the inconvenience of
emotionally preparing yourself
is a thing of the past.
looking back,
maybe i was foolish
to think that
you would be different.
the only words of mine you've seen
are ones
grieving our separation.
why couldn't you save
both of us this trouble?
pardon my ignorance.
you kiss your mother with that mouth?
pinkgirlrock (12:33:45 PM): what else is new?
pinkgirlrock (12:33:58 PM): did anything more come of your little "tango" with argentina
ferneilius (12:34:09 PM): not really
ferneilius (12:34:13 PM): as i wanted
pinkgirlrock (12:34:46 PM): sorry kiddo
ferneilius (12:34:55 PM): no
pinkgirlrock (12:34:57 PM): that was good
ferneilius (12:35:00 PM): i mean i wanted none of that
ferneilius (12:35:03 PM): just the making out
ferneilius (12:36:19 PM): and it was good
ferneilius (12:37:17 PM): except the bastard stole my money from my back pocket
ferneilius (12:37:35 PM): he gave it back, but he claims that he does itto everyone he makes out with
pinkgirlrock (12:38:04 PM): it owuld have been funny if he hadn't given it back
pinkgirlrock (12:38:16 PM): that's a really funny thing to me
ferneilius (12:38:19 PM): i would have killed him
pinkgirlrock (12:38:45 PM): you probably assumed he was just feeling you up or somethin
ferneilius (12:39:09 PM): i dnt remember his hand evr being in my back pocket
pinkgirlrock (12:39:14 PM): if i looked like him, i'd rob girls all the time while making out with them
ferneilius (12:39:14 PM): i was pretty for gone
pinkgirlrock (12:39:31 PM): it's a brilliant strategy
pinkgirlrock (12:39:42 PM): it would make for a really funny bad movie
ferneilius (12:39:51 PM): haha
ferneilius (12:39:54 PM): yes it would
pinkgirlrock (12:39:57 PM): like catherine zeta jones vs. jude law
ferneilius (12:40:46 PM): tha would be actually ilarious
pinkgirlrock (12:41:06 PM): i know
pinkgirlrock (12:41:50 PM): like jude law is a new york hustler who kisses girls and while he's feeling them up, steals their wallets. well, when he does that to her, she's in the middle of doing the same
pinkgirlrock (12:42:27 PM): they would get into some really funny arguement, and then somehow get stuck together in som precarious situation
pinkgirlrock (12:42:59 PM): and end up falling in love and hving little pick pocket babies
pinkgirlrock (12:33:58 PM): did anything more come of your little "tango" with argentina
ferneilius (12:34:09 PM): not really
ferneilius (12:34:13 PM): as i wanted
pinkgirlrock (12:34:46 PM): sorry kiddo
ferneilius (12:34:55 PM): no
pinkgirlrock (12:34:57 PM): that was good
ferneilius (12:35:00 PM): i mean i wanted none of that
ferneilius (12:35:03 PM): just the making out
ferneilius (12:36:19 PM): and it was good
ferneilius (12:37:17 PM): except the bastard stole my money from my back pocket
ferneilius (12:37:35 PM): he gave it back, but he claims that he does itto everyone he makes out with
pinkgirlrock (12:38:04 PM): it owuld have been funny if he hadn't given it back
pinkgirlrock (12:38:16 PM): that's a really funny thing to me
ferneilius (12:38:19 PM): i would have killed him
pinkgirlrock (12:38:45 PM): you probably assumed he was just feeling you up or somethin
ferneilius (12:39:09 PM): i dnt remember his hand evr being in my back pocket
pinkgirlrock (12:39:14 PM): if i looked like him, i'd rob girls all the time while making out with them
ferneilius (12:39:14 PM): i was pretty for gone
pinkgirlrock (12:39:31 PM): it's a brilliant strategy
pinkgirlrock (12:39:42 PM): it would make for a really funny bad movie
ferneilius (12:39:51 PM): haha
ferneilius (12:39:54 PM): yes it would
pinkgirlrock (12:39:57 PM): like catherine zeta jones vs. jude law
ferneilius (12:40:46 PM): tha would be actually ilarious
pinkgirlrock (12:41:06 PM): i know
pinkgirlrock (12:41:50 PM): like jude law is a new york hustler who kisses girls and while he's feeling them up, steals their wallets. well, when he does that to her, she's in the middle of doing the same
pinkgirlrock (12:42:27 PM): they would get into some really funny arguement, and then somehow get stuck together in som precarious situation
pinkgirlrock (12:42:59 PM): and end up falling in love and hving little pick pocket babies
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